My Pleasure, Miss Shaw
by Salomedancing
Summary: After Elizabeth Shaw has left the Doctor she is contacted by an intriguing stranger who she thinks wants her scientific expertise, but in reality he wants far more. Het but with slash undertones. Warnings for BDSM.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I don't own any The Doctor Who characters.**

**Author's Notes:**

**This fic is mainly het, but there is a slashy undercurrent. Time Lords are so obviously fluid when it comes to looks and gender, so it seems entirely logical that their sexuality would be as well. I, however, seriously suck at writing slash so even if this fic is very much written with a serious sexual attraction between the Doctor and the Master (well, from the Master at least) in mind, it will mostly be in subtext and probably mostly be noticeable in the last chapter. The warnings apply to the second chapter and somewhat to the last. There will also be some highly dubious consent in the second chapter, possibly warranting a change of warnings when it completed.**

** I adore Roger Delgado's Master, in my view he is the best of them. I also have a bit of a crush on Delgado himself, which is a bit awkward because he is a) dead and b) of my grandparent's generation anyway. But from everything I have read and heard of him he seems to have been an intelligent, educated and kind man and with the addition of those saturnine good looks, well, that just is my type- I could as well have described my husband here.**

Sometimes Elizabeth Shaw missed working with the Doctor. His brilliance, his energy, it had been both challenging and fun being his assistant, but at the end of the day she felt that she had made the right decision to return to Cambridge. Being her own woman and in charge suited her better, so apart from occasional mild regrets, she was very happy to be back. Sometimes she was consulted by UNIT, for shorter or longer periods, so she wasn't unduly surprised when she received a letter from a Mr. Heartsmet who was funding a research project and had been recommended to Miss Shaw by UNIT as a person uniquely suitable as the project touched upon several of the areas she was proficient in. .It was a very interesting project and just by the outlines Mr. Heartsmet provided, Liz could see a number of exiting possibilities and she wrote back, agreeing on meeting him to discuss a possible involvement.

Mr. Heartsmet turned out to be an elegant middle age man with greying dark hair and beard. Elizabeth found his rather diabolic look somewhat theatrical at first, but despite the first dramatic impression he made, he was polite and soft-spoken. He bowed deeply over her hand and she almost thought he would kiss it before he gave it a firm shake.

"This is completely my pleasure, Miss Shaw. I have heard a lot of you from a mutual acquaintance."

"Oh. Who?"

He smiled. "Our dear Doctor, of course. We have met on numerous occasions and I dare say that I know him quite well. A most excellent fellow, if one somewhat exasperating at times."

Liz smiled back. "Oh yes, he can certainly be that."

"And his choice of clothes, if I may say so, is perhaps a little over the top."

The sentence was followed by a quick glance down on his own well-dressed figure and Liz thought he looked rather smug. She concluded that he probably was as vain as the Doctor, even if she privately thought his understated elegance was much more appealing than purple velvet and evening cloaks.

With that he left the subject of the Doctor and started to tell her about his project. He told her was an independently wealthy man who occasionally funded projects that he thought could have a significant scientific value. He very much wanted Liz to give her input and her valuable time would, of course, be amply compensated. He had set up a laboratory and would be delighted if she could regularly, but at times that suited her, come and work there. He also provided a letter of recommendation from UNIT, written by a person Liz had only had briefly been in contact with, but referring to both the Brigadier and the Doctor. She smiled fondly at the memory of the Doctor and then, quite charmed by Mr. Heartsmet's obvious eagerness to have her on board, she agreed to join his project.

Liz didn't regret her decision. The project turned out to be exactly as exiting as it had been promised and Mr. Heartsmet seemed to be determined to giver her any funding she needed. He mostly left her alone to work as she pleased, but when they met to discuss the progress, he was both interested and helpful. Often she felt that a few words from him could make her thoughts and ideas go in completely new and unexpected directions. She soon thought that his intelligence was rival only to the Doctor and though he was generally very unlike him, Liz sometime felt that they were eerily alike, but perhaps it was just the likeness a genius must have to another one.

There was, however, more than just the project that Liz enjoyed, though it took some time for her to admit it to herself, the company Mr. Heartsmet himself. After their conferences he invariably took her to dinner and though he was very reserved about his personal life he was also very charming and the vast scope of his intelligence made for interesting and sometime quite lively discussions. His knowledge was not all encompassing, at times there were subjects, somewhat odd and baffling subjects actually, when he claimed ignorance, but the next time they met, he had always read up.

Indeed, she could not deny that she grew more and more interested in him. And why not? She was unattached and as far as she could make out, so was he. He was handsome, sophisticated and very attentive. He always noticed what she was wearing and complimented her and as a result she spent more time selecting her clothes when they were to meet. Liz had a growing feeling that he was courting her, in a painfully slow and extremely polite way. She certainly hoped he did. Once or twice she considered taking the first step, she thought of herself as a modern woman and it wouldn't be the first time. In the end she decided against it. If she was right, then she wouldn't want to rush it and if she was wrong she might jeopardize their professional relationship. So she allowed herself to settle in the pace he set and enjoyed herself more than she had for a long time.

A few months after first meeting Mr. Heartsmet, Lis was pleasantly surprised when she bumped into the Brigadier outside the train station a sunny morning and allowed herself to be whisked away for a cup of coffee and gossip. He was just passing, he told her, having a bit of time to kill before a connecting train would take him away to a very important and hush hush meeting. Then he proceeded to tell her what mischief the Doctor had been up to lately as well as a few instances of saving the world, before Liz countered with saying how grateful she was that UNIT had sent Mr. Heartsmet her way. She felt herself grow a little flustered and actually burbling happily when she talked about him, totally unlike her usual collected self and it took her some time to realize that the Brigadier was frowning.

"My dear Miss Shaw, I'm very sorry, but I have never heard of a Mr. Heartsmet?"

There was suddenly a cold trickle down her spine. "I don't understand. He came to me with a letter from UNIT. He knows the Doctor and he clearly knows him very well."

The Brigadier watched her with growing alarm. "Perhaps if you can describe him?"

"Oh yes, he is very distinctive, you will remember him if you met him. Not very tall, dark hair and a beard, actually quite sinister looking, at least until you really talk with him."

The Brigadier held up his hand. "Miss Shaw, I know who that man is, but has never worked for UNIT, rather the opposite. He knows the Doctor, all right; he has tried to kill him on numerous occasions. He is also very good at manipulations and has exercised mind control on UNIT members before. I'm certain that is why he could give you a legitimate looking recommendation. In fact, he is not even a man, he is a Time Lord called the Master.

Liz shook her head. "That can't be true." She knew it was, though and she felt like she had been hit.

The Brigadier looked at her with sympathy. "You like him, don't you? If it is any comfort, you are not alone. Even the Doctor, who knows full well what the Master is capable of, seems to like him. He can be very charming when he choose to, but believe me, he is extremely dangerous."

He leaned forward and took her hand, looking very serious. "I find it extremely worrisome that he has made and maintained this contact with you. He has clearly been using your brilliance for his own ends, he has done that before and he has no qualms killing those people when he is through with them. But I fear that your connection to the Doctor plays an even bigger part. It would be extremely likely that he has planned to hurt the Doctor through you. I think it will be best if you go back to UNIT at once so we can ensure your safety. I can't skip my meeting, but I will detach some of my personnel to escort you back.

Liz nodded weakly. Her head spun and she felt a bit nauseous, but she didn't doubt the Brigadier. He was an upright and honest man and this unusual eloquence from him only served to underline his worry. Beside, she trusted the Doctor and if he viewed this Master as dangerous and evil, then he must be, but oh, it hurt to think that she had been so badly deceived.

"Yes, yes I guess you are right." She felt very distracted, her thoughts ran in all direction at once, but then she pulled herself together. "Wait, I need to get back to the laboratory. The work I've done for him, there is some real scientific value in it. But it can used both for good or bad ends, depending on how you use it and I must get my paper and notes back.

The Brigadier seemed inclined to disagree at first, bit Liz managed to persuade him that she really needed her work. She also knew that Mr. Heartsmet, no the Master, was travelling away from Cambridge at the moment so going for her paper would be easily done. They returned to the train station and met the Brigadiers small entourage of young and eager men and Liz left for her paper with three large watchdogs and many admonitions from the Brigadier about being careful, quick, and above all, careful.


	2. Chapter 2

Liz asked her escort to wait for her outside the laboratory and then quickly started to collect her files. She was so concentrated on her task that she didn't hear the man who had entered the room quietly until he spoke.

"Why in such a hurry, Miss Shaw?"

Mr. Heartsmet, the Master, was standing quite close to her and she wondered how she could ever have thought he looked theatrical, because there was only menace in his gaze now, even if he was smiling a little. Liz took a step back without meaning to and laughed, a much too brittle sound in her ears.

"Oh, I thought you were away. I'm not in a hurry, not at all, no, just sorting through a few things."

He came closer. "One of the things that constantly amaze me when it comes to humans is how badly they lie, especially as they do it so often. And you, Miss Shaw, are exceedingly bad at it. I know that you know who I am now."

"How do you know that? Oh. You had me watched?"

"Of course. It was always highly probable that you would compare notes with someone eventually, so you have been under discreet surveillance since the first day we met. When I heard that you had a cozy little chat with the Brigadier, I knew that this pleasant interlude had to come to an end. He may be dim-witted, but not, unfortunately, stupid enough. Oh well, I had almost got everything I needed from this phase anyway and I don't regret moving forward a little too soon."

While he spoke he had slowly moved closer, but Liz hadn't realised that she was backing away from him until she stood flat against the wall and couldn't get further away. She was suddenly very conscious of her clothes. The day had been supposed to be a day off and she had dressed accordingly in a short-sleeved blouse and a skirt showing off a good deal of bare legs. Much more than she ever did in the more conservative ones she wore for work. She was wearing her hair loose as well, tumbling halfway down her back and without the shield of upswept hair and a suit she felt curiously naked under the Master's cold scrutiny.

"What is the matter, my dear?"

"I would like to go now, please. If you are finished here, well, you won't need me anymore."

"You don't really believe that I will let you leave, Miss Shaw. Don't insult my intelligence, or your own, by pretending stupidity." He ran his gloved fingers from her temple to her throat. "Besides, you don't even want to go, do you?. Why, this is what you have wanted for quite some time now, isn't it? Just you and me, undisturbed and with my undivided attention."

Liz shook her head. It was true, she had imagined that, but she was not going to let him know it. "People will come to look for me, soon."

"Not soon enough. Your puppies outside are incapacitated and guarded and the Brigadier is far from here and so is the Doctor. I have no doubt that they will raise heaven and hell eventually, but it will be too late for you by then."

The Master lifted a strand of her hair, a thick golden red lock and coiled it around his fingers.

"You do have a beautiful hair. I must confess to be quite partial to just this shade. Indeed, you are quite attractive, for a human and you are, by far, the most intelligent ape I have ever met. As it happened I have actually had good use of you human viewpoint for my little project, though perhaps not as much as you have been led to believe, my main goal was something else."

Liz stood very still. Her instincts were screaming at her to bolt and run, but he stood so close and he had wound her hair several times around his hand now. So she swallowed and tried to speak in a normal conversational tone.

"What is it you want then?"

"The last few months I have been engaged in a very careful study one specific subject; you. How could I resist a brilliant scientist who used to tag along with the Doctor? I have wanted you since I first heard your name. It has been a very successful project, so far, I can read you like an open book now and I know you better than anyone have ever done. I even know what you dream of deep down, those dreams that you try to not even acknowledge yourself."

The hand in her hair had wound itself to her scalp, forcing Liz head back and up. A terrible suspicion rose in her mind. As a scientist she was well aware of the many peculiar ways human sexuality could take and as a scientist she had no problems with that, but that was on a clinical and impersonal level. Her own private dreams were something else, they were secrets that she had always been to shy to tell any lovers and that she had long decided were to be just private fantasies. No one could know those and she was sure no one would be able to guess at random, but then she remembered what the Brigadier had told her of The Master's ability to control minds.

"You have had me hypnotized!"

"Oh, only for a few minutes occasionally, to get those answers you just wouldn't give me otherwise. But on the whole, no. Mind control is an excellent tool, but wrecks havoc with the creative and intellectual process, it would have been very counter-productive to try to keep you under perpetual control." He smiled and tugged her hair, quite gently. "Besides mindless obedience may be useful, but it will satisfy me so much more to bend you to my wishes without it."

He leaned in on her, his voice soft and amused close to her ear. "There is nothing as beautiful as a woman with fear in her eyes. You are so very beautiful right now, Miss Shaw and still it excites you, doesn't it? That you are powerless and that it is only my pleasure that have any importance here at all. That I can hurt you and that I will hurt you and you will love it, because you have always wanted it."

He tightened his grip of her hair, tugging hard now, so he head was tilted back even more and she had to look him straight in the eye. There were no kindness and humour in those eyes now and Liz felt it as if she was staring into an abyss. An abyss she had stared into for months without realising that a monster was looking back at her all the time. And now she was cornered, her mouth dry from fear while her body responded to his words because this was her own fantasy coming to life and her mind and reason could not stop the hot desire that shot through her.

"No", she whispered. "That is not true,"

He released her and took a step back. "Lies again, Miss Shaw? I think you have acquired a very bad habit. What shall we do to cure you of it?"

AN: The abyss and the monster is on loan from Friedrich Nietzsch: **He who fights with monsters should look to it that he himself does not become a monster. And when you gaze long into an abyss the abyss also gazes into you.**


	3. Chapter 3

**AN: Please note that this chapter warning: NC. It contains BDSM with very dubious consent, spanking, breath play and humiliation and I don't want to trigger anyone, so better safe than sorry. It's a fantasy, but if it's not your cup of tea, you might prefer to not read it.**

In the silence that followed, Liz became aware that even if she was scared and uncomfortably aroused, she was also angry. There was something almost ridiculously melodramatic over it all and she suddenly wished he could just go on and finish it.

"Oh stop it! Stop dragging it out and go ahead and kill me and be done with it! You have had your fun at my expense, now you will to get to the Doctor. Well, you have succeeded; he will be devastated by my death, so why don't you go ahead and do it!"

For a moment the Master looked surprised but then he chuckled. "Kill you? Not at all. I haven't spent all these months on preparations to just dispose of you. I do intend to hurt the Doctor, rather a lot, but your death has nothing to do with that. In fact, even if you will spend some time with me now, I will eventually return you to your friends.

"Just like that? I doubt that very much."

"No, not just like that, of course. We are going to get to know each other very well first, you and I. Beginning now. Which I believe you were trying to distract me from, Miss Shaw. Shame on you."

She shuddered and then, before she had time to react, he stepped forward and kissed her and it was just right kind of kiss. His lips were cool and demanding and Liz found to her horror that she responded, her body melting a little into his arms, though when he broke the kiss she tried to step back.

"See? You do love me a little, don't you, Elizabeth?"

"No! I feel nothing for you."

He shook his head, with the same pained expression on his face that her old professor used to have when she had given him the wrong answer to an easy question. "Lies again, Miss Shaw. We will have to take you out of this bad habit sooner rather than later, I think."

He looked around the laboratory. "Ah. I think some more old-fashioned correction would be suitable here."

He took her arm and walked her to a desk and picked up a wooden ruler. Liz responded with her first show of earnest struggle, but the only result was that he wrenched her arm back and up and pushed her face down against the tabletop. She strained against him, but that only twisted her arm even more, making her fear that he would break it. When she relaxed a little, his grip eased, but he didn't let go of her. He had put down the ruler again and was now pushing her skirt up, bunching it around her hips. Liz tried to stand up, but the grip around her arm hardened instantly.

"Be still, Miss Shaw. Your compliance and obedience will make it so much easier for you. At least for the moment."

Liz stilled, even if she tensed back again when he tore away her panties. She knew what was coming, she didn't want it, but her body rebelled against her mind and her already kindled lust flared in anticipation. The first stroke on her behind was fire and pain and made her gasp and the Master chuckled again.

"Feel free to scream, my dear. No one of importance can hear you anyway."

Determinedly Liz shut her mouth, biting her lips to stop herself from screaming, but she couldn't help a small moan to escape at every smooth stroke. No amount of imagination had prepared her to how it really felt, the sudden pain that radiated from the impact, receding into a burning afterglow that might have felt very pleasant if not the ruler had come down again, on almost, but not quite the same spot, shaking her body with stroke after stinging stroke. And worst of all, it felt good, better than anything she could ever have imagined as well. She breathed hard, pressing her legs against each other.

A pause. "If you want this to stop, then you will have to stop lying to me. I know very well what you feel right now.

"I hate it."

Another stroke, harder this time and Liz almost screamed. "No, you don't. But beg, Miss Shaw, beg me prettily and I will stop."

More strikes. Nor harder, not faster, but the accumulation of them made the skin burn and the pain seemed to radiate stronger for every stroke. The accumulated pain started to feel unbearable and Liz body disobeyed her will to keep still, her legs moved and at one point she managed to turn so the stroke landed on her hip instead. It hurt dreadfully and she cried out, unable to keep any pretence of dignity. The Master gripped her arm harder and she was forced back to immobility, but the strokes fell as methodically as ever. He wouldn't stop, she realised, he had told her what he wanted and he was waiting for her to end it.

She couldn't stand it any longer. "Please stop."

"I do require a little bit more from you."

"Please Master. Please stop now. I can't stand anymore."

"First tell me what you really felt about it."

She couldn't help hesitating until she forced herself to say it. "I loved it."

"Good girl." He stopped, carefully placing the ruler beside her. A hand caressed her back, then her buttocks, but Liz didn't move waiting, for whatever torment he would inflict on her next.

"Stand up."

Liz stood slowly, her hands trying to tug down her skirt, but his hands stopped her.

"No. Remove your blouse now, Miss Shaw. And bra, please."

Her hands shook when she unbuttoned it. He slid it down over her shoulders, her arms unresisting as they slipped out of the sleeves. Then the bra and she closed her eyes to avoid herself from glancing down on her almost naked body. She could feel her face heat in embarrassment, but when he kissed her neck, her arousal shot through her again. Still with her eyes closed, she allowed him to turn her and push her down again, so she lay on the desk with her legs dangling over the edge. His hands, still gloved, moved over her body, gently touching her breast, smoothly skimming over her curves. She was not surprised when he gripped her hips, tugging her closer and then he was inside her and she gasped. He hurt her, but it was pleasure in it too.

"Look at me." His voice was soft, almost tender. Liz shut her eyes harder, turning her head away. "Look at me, Elizabeth."

The Master's hand closed around her throat, turning her head back, his fingers pressing into the soft flesh. "I said; look at me."

She choked and her eyes flew up and met his and then she couldn't look away. His face seemed to fill her vision; it was the only thing she could see as he continued to suffocate her. Her nails dug into his hand, trying to tug him away, but he only pressed harder. Liz couldn't breathe and she could feel panic flutter alive. He would kill her now, no matter what he had said before, but despite the pain and fear, her body still responded to his and she suddenly realised that an orgasm was building deep inside her.

Liz came harder than she ever had, fighting for air and control over her body and denied both as he moved relentlessly inside her. She lost conscience for a few seconds and then the hand around her throat was gone, holding her hips steadily, moving faster, harder and despite it all she came again, to her shame and the Master laughed.

She found that she could not find any energy to move when it was over. She lay as he left her, fighting to get her breath even, and wiping away a few treacherous tears that leaked away from her eyes despite her effort not to cry. Eventually he spoke to her, his voice cool and somewhat disdainful.

"Make yourself presentable, please, Miss Shaw."

Liz sat up, wincing when the movement made the welts on her bottom painfully remembered and then stood, her legs shaking. She steadfastly refused to look at the Master as she pulled down her skirt and went to find her bra and blouse. She held out to not look at him until she was done, shaking her hair back and smoothing it away from her face. He stood a little distance from her, looking completely composed as he watched her with a faint half-smile.

"All set, my dear? Then why don't you kneel for me and thank me for fulfilling your dreams?"

She could feel herself blush fiercely and she clenched hands. "No."

For a moment she thought he would hit her, but then he smiled broadened. "You know I can make you?"

"Yes, I know. So I suggest you force me because I will not kneel willingly for you."

He shrugged. "Oh, you will, one day. I think I will wait for that moment, it will make it so much sweeter."

He took her arm again and led her out of the room. To her surprise there were people outside, just standing there with their face vacant and among them were two of the soldiers the Brigadier had sent with her. On the Masters orders they went into the laboratory and started to pack things away, but he didn't wait to see his orders fulfilled. Instead he led her down the hallway were another blank faced person was standing guard over the third soldier. He was sitting on the floor, nursing a head wound, but looked up when they approached.

"Tell the Doctor," the Master said, "Tell him that Miss Shaw will be returned to him. When I am completely through with her."

The young man gave Liz an alarmed look and began to say something, but then the Master nodded to the guard and the soldier was hit on his head and slumped to the floor unconscious. The Master opened the door to a cupboard and motioned for Liz to enter. Seeing no way out Liz took a deep breath and stepped inside and the door closed behind them in silence.


	4. Chapter 4

**AN: Exit the Master; enter the Brigadier and finally, the Doctor. For Liz things get a bit better. I hope you have enjoyed my story, even if it is a rather dark, personally I had great fun writing it. Warnings for this chapter; aftermath of abuse**.

Liz stood up, her motions slow and stiff as the sound of a TARDIS leaving died away. She blinked away the tears and looked around her. It was cold, and the ground was frozen, here and there spotted with patches of snow. Not May anymore, but if it was months since she had last been on Earth, or years, she couldn't know. She only knew that she was meant to find the Doctor, so whatever year she had arrived at, he must still be around. She spotted a road and went down to it, looking around as she did so to see if she recognized her surroundings. She rather thought it was the road to UNIT and as her clothes were much too thin for the weather, she assumed that someone would come soon. The Master may not care for her comfort, but he certainly wouldn't want her to freeze to death before she had reached the Doctor.

So she started to walk in the direction she thought was the right one and within a few minutes a car passed her, only to stop abruptly with screeching brakes. A man jumped out and ran toward her and to Liz relief she saw that it was the Brigadier, looking very much the same as he had when she last saw him.

"Miss Shaw, Liz!" He cried. "It's you!" He looked at her with relief and worry, removing his greatcoat, wrapping it around her, so she was suddenly engulfed in warmth and a fleeting scent of eau de cologne and then she was whisked into the car.

"I need to see the Doctor," Liz told the Brigadier, and he nodded.

"We are not far from UNIT; I'll take you to him as soon as we arrive." His look of worried concern deepened, and he reached for her cold hands, rubbing them softly. They were so warm; she had forgotten how warm human hands were.

"Are you all right, Miss Shaw?"

No, she thought, but she only said "How long have I been gone?"

"Seven months. Is that how long it has been for you too?."

"I don't know. Do I look different?"

The Brigadier frowned in a way that told her she had changed a lot, but he only said. "You don't look older. But I think I should take you to sickbay first before you see the Doctor. You don't look well at all."

"No!" Panic roared awake in an instant. "I must see the Doctor. As soon as possible."

He backed instantly, clearly alarmed by the rising hysteria in her voice. "All right, all right, the Doctor first. But the sickbay after, Miss Shaw, I insist."

He raised a hand and put it on her shoulder, meant for comfort, she supposed, but Liz couldn't stop herself from flinching away and the Brigadier snatched back his arm. "Miss Shaw, what did he do to you?"

But she just shook her head, and he didn't insist and no one said anything more the last few minutes of the car ride.

At UNIT she was ushered through the well-known corridors, the Brigadier hovered over her shoulder as she near-ran to the Doctor's laboratory. He and the wide-eyed child Jo was leaning over some contraption, but both looked up in alarm when she burst in through the door. Jo's face split in a delighted grin, but the Doctor looked very grave. As soon as Liz saw him, words started to spill from her mouth. She talked fast, telling the Doctor everything that had happened to her since the day she had first met the Master.

The Doctor's look of dread deepened and he turned to The Brigadier and Jo. "Out, both of you. And no listening at the door either. I want to be completely alone with Liz and do not disturb us!"

They reluctantly left, and the Brigadier turned to say something, but the Doctor closed the door in his face. He locked it carefully before turned back to Liz. She had not stopped speaking; there was so much to tell him.

"Stop it Liz," he begged, but she couldn't.

He walked to and fro in the room, clearly agitated by her story and asked her again to stop. Liz poured out her story, stumbling over her word, but never pausing. Eventually the Doctor sat, hiding his face in his hand, but he looked up again, his face very white when she started to tell him of the only time when the Master touched her without his gloves. Always in the dark, his hands gentle, the only time she felt his skin against hers, cool against her back. When he whispered a name in her ear, a name that wasn't hers-

Suddenly the Doctor leapt at her, his hands touching her temples and his voice boomed in her head "Be quiet!"

She stopped mid-sentence. There was only a ringing silence in her head now where it had been filled with the need to tell the Doctor everything. He backed away from her, shaking, his face strained.

"I am sorry, Liz. It was an unforgivable intrusion after what you have been through, but I had to stop you."

Liz felt oddly empty. "No, it's fine. I'm glad I don't have to tell you anything more."

There was a short silence and then she wrapped the Brigadier's coat tighter around her. "Well, I guess I should go to the sickbay then."

"Sit down, Liz."

She sat down at once and saw the Doctor wince at her obedience, but she couldn't help herself.

"I'll let you go in a minute, Liz, but you have to tell me something first. When I come to visit you tomorrow, can you promise me that no one will tell me that Miss Shaw found razor blades, or a convenient belt or too many sleeping pills during the night?"

Liz face felt stiff. She knew she was supposed to smile now and tell him not to be silly and of course not, how could he evens think something like that but the Master whispered in her head; "No lies, Miss Shaw."

"I can't promise that." Liz said instead. She looked down on her hands, her fingers twisting together in her lap. "You don't understand. You don't know what he made me do. Made me do and made me like it. Love it. Made me love him. Do you want to know what I did when he told me to go to you? I begged him to let me stay. I fell on my knees and begged him, just like he said I would."

She looked up at the Doctor. "I know you must despise me now. I do."

The Doctor's eyes were very warm and very kind. "No, Liz, I don't and I never will. You have nothing to be ashamed of. He took your dreams and twisted them, but that is not your fault. He has been messing with your mind for a long time and he is very good at that. I can't even comprehend how many layers and knots he has planted in your head, but I do know that he never really intended to let you be free of him. If you leave now, then he has already killed you, leaving the dirty work to you be done by yourself.

"But I can't stand this!"

"I know," he said gently. "I know. The Master's plans are always vicious and complicated, but sometimes, I'm afraid, they work out too well. But I can do something about it."

"What can you do?"

The Doctor dragged his chair closer to hers, taking her hand. "I have nothing like the skill of the Master when it comes to matters of the mind. I can't remove your memories of what happened, but I can take away what you feel about it."

"I don't understand."

"You will still remember everything that has happened, but it will feel like it didn't happen to you, but about someone else. You are a kind and warm-hearted woman so you will still feel some pain, but not more than your natural empathy for others would make you feel and it will recede with time."

Liz thought she understood what he meant. "And what I feel now will just be gone?"

The Doctor looked away. "Not gone, exactly. They have to go somewhere or they would leak back to you. I will take them into my mind."

Liz eyes narrowed in suspicion. "And what would that make to you."

He still avoided looking at her, his face very grim. "It will be my feelings."

"It will be as if it all happened to you?"

"I'm afraid so, yes."

"Then I won't let you."

"You have to, or it will kill you. I am a Time Lord, I can carry this burden. I know I can, Liz, because I done it before. I know it will hurt, but believe me; it will hurt so much more if you die. You will have your life back and knowing that will make it easier for me."

Liz looked at his serious face and was filled with a horrible realisation. "It's not the first time he has done this!"

"No, it's not."

And Liz thought though she didn't say it loud; how many times has he made you carry someone else's pain like this?

"Please, Liz. He made you a target because you are my friend and now you have to let me help you. I'm not pretending it won't be hard for me, but I will be all right."

She looked at him for a long time. To believe that all the hurt and pain inside her could go away, that seemed utterly impossible to her, but then the Doctor could do the impossible, she already knew that.

"I don't want to be his tool to hurt you," she whispered.

"I know. If there was any other way, I would choose that. Please Liz, let me help you."

At long last she nodded, and the Doctor rose, still holding her hand. "Let's go inside the TARDIS, it will help. A little, at least."

Inside he faced her, looking more serious than she had ever seen him. He took her hands, placing her fingertips at his temples, and then doing the same. He leaned his head forward so their foreheads touched.

"It will be painful, Liz, but it's the last time, I promise."

It began. Liz could never exactly comprehend what had happened later. Her mind was flooded by memories and feelings and she thought she screamed out aloud, but later thought it was just in her mind. The Doctor screamed as well, but perhaps his screams were as silent as hers. Too many feelings, too many memories at the same time and the world tilted and for some time she wasn't aware of her body or her surroundings. She came to, finding she was kneeling on the floor with the Doctor, each clinging to the other as if they were drowning.

Liz leaned back, searching the Doctor's face. It was grey, the colour of ash and he looked deadly tired. His eyes swirled, unable to focus, and she shook him gently.

"Doctor, how are you?"

He managed to look at her at last. "I'm fine Liz. At least I will be if you give me a moment."

But when he finally rose he was so unsteady that he had to lean on her, then grabbing the TARDIS console for support.

"How do you feel, Liz?"

"I feel strange. I remember everything, but it seems so far away now." She paused, trying to comprehend her own feelings. "It is as you say; it feels like it never happened to me. How odd."

A ghost of a smile flickered in the corner of his mouth. "Good. That's how you should feel."

The memory of feelings no longer felt danced through her mind nevertheless and Liz felt a bit nauseous knowing that they weren't simply gone, just re-located. She looked at the Doctor in worry. "I don't think I can never thank you enough for this. What can I do to help you?"

The flicker evolved into shaky smile, and his eyes twinkled faintly. "You can go and make the Brigadier happy with a visit to the sickbay. I need to rest in the TARDIS, tell them that I am not to be disturbed."

"But will you be all right?"

"I will. It will take a little time, but I will. Don't worry about me, I always come down on my feet, just like a cat, don't you know?"

He slowly let go of the console and disappeared into the TARDIS. Liz waited until he was gone before she left as well.

The End


End file.
